I did not end my life in 1990, as planned

In 1990, I was in the 12th. year of a marriage which had become increasingly difficult. The family business had to be sold. My first wife explained that she had once been caught outdoors in a blizzard, and almost froze to death. She said it was a very painless experience of numbness and drowsiness.

I watched a documentary film made by four women who crossed a large section of Antarctica on foot. They had to eat something like 1 lb of fat (butter) per day simply to keep up their body temperature. I guess there is some wisdom in Eskimo blubber cuisine. The going got tough for them, and one person had thoughts of suicide. She knew that all she had to do was wander away from the group while the other slept, and just sit down, and wait to freeze to death.

Anyway, in 1990, we talked about it, but, did not do it.

In 1991, my entire life changed. I separated from my 1st wife, moved, got a totally different kind of job, and met my second wife, who had a 7 yr old son, a 14 yr old daughter, and a dog.

For me, it was like being in the twilight zone, or outer limits, and stepping through some kind of spatio-temporal wormhole-portal-warp. The next 10 years were incredible years for me.

Occasionally, I thought about how I would have missed out on all that, if I had ended it all back in 1990.

I am not going to say that there is never a circumstance where suicide make sense.

I can never remember George Eastman's name! I had to google on Kodak just now.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/George_Eastman

...
I did read that George Eastman was diagnosed with an incurable disease which would cause a slow painful death. He wrote a note saying, "My work is done" and then shot himself in the head.

Eastman was a brilliant and stable man, and a generous philanthropist.

Oddly, the wikipedia link, above, does not mention his suicide.

Eastman's suicide note is at this link, with many other such notes:

http://www.corsinet.com/braincandy/dying3.html